Victim, Survivor, or Thriver

As we journey in our healing from where we were, to where we are now, we have grown in how we handle our abuse AND in how we let our emotions play a role in our lives.  We are no longer that helpless child. We are a Survivor by our thoughts, by our actions, and by our very purpose in life. There is a third part to our healing journey. The THRIVER.  This part of our healing journey is one of gratefulness and an open heart. We can see & FEEL humor in life. We have faith in ourselves and life. I’m no longer a Victim; but not quite a Thriver YET.  But with a little work, I’ll get there. On the chart, at what stage of your journey are you?  Where do you want to be?

From Victim to Survivor to Thriver

Victim	Survivor	Thriver
Doesn’t deserve nice things or trying for the "good life."	Struggling for reasons & chance to heal	Gratitude for everything in life.
Low self esteem/shame/unworthy	Sees self as wounded & healing	Sees self as an overflowing miracle
Hyper vigilant	Using tools to learn to relax	Gratitude for new life
Alone	Seeking help	Oneness
Feels Selfish	Deserves to seek help	Proud of Healthy Self caring
Damaged	Naming what happened	Was wounded & now healing
Confusion & numbness	Learning to grieve, grieving past ungrieved trauma	Grieving at current losses
Overwhelmed by past	Naming & grieving what happened	Living in the present
Hopeless	Hopeful	Faith in self & life
Uses outer world to hide from self	Stays with emotional pain	Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights
Hides their story	Not afraid to tell their story to safe people.	Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP
Believes everyone else is better, stronger, less damaged	Comes out of hiding to hear others & have compassion for them & eventually self	Lives with an open heart for self & others
Often wounded by unsafe others	Learning how to protect self by share, check, share	Protects self from unsafe others
Places own needs last	Learning healthy needs (See Healing the Child Within & Gift to Myself)	Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others
Creates one drama after another	See patterns	Creates peace
Believes suffering is the human condition	Feeling some relief, knows they need to continue in recovery	Finds joy in peace
Serious all the time	Beginning to laugh	Seeing the humor in life
Uses inappropriate humor, including teasing	Feels associated painful feelings instead	Uses healthy humor
Uncomfortable, numb or angry around toxic people	Increasing awareness of pain & dynamics	Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives
Lives in the past	Aware of patterns	Lives in the Now
Angry at religion	Understanding the difference between religion & personal spirituality	Enjoys personal relationship with the God of their understanding
Suspicious of therapists-- projects	Sees therapist as guide during projections	Sees reality as their projection & owns it.
Needs people & chemicals to believe they are all right	Glimpses of self-acceptance & fun without others	Feels authentic & connected, Whole
"Depression"	Movement of feelings	Aliveness

©Barbara Whitfield 2003
shared via http://www.cbwhit.com 

I look forward to hearing from other Incest Survivors.  We all have our stories to tell.  Speak up. Rainbows are beautiful.  And YOU are beautiful too.  

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