INCEST AND TOLERANCE
“Shut up!” Was told that this weekend. And then the anger came. Roaring up inside me. “I am” I cried inside. Why do I need to be tolerant of others? Look at what I put up with growing up with secrets, molestation & incest.
Tolerate means (dictionary.com)
1. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. to endure without repugnance; put up with
We were having a Friday night get-together at a neighbors house (a condo). Just sitting, chatting, laughing, blowing - off - steam after a long week. The upstairs neighbor must have thought it was time for us to “Be Quiet”. 10:00pm should be bed-time, right? But boy, did their “intolerance” get my blood boiling. Why should we be quiet? Close your windows!!!
Later, while in bed, I began thinking. Where is all this anger coming from? It was a Friday night, motorcycles & cars blaring down our busy street. Why is it so important for us to be tolerant of others? I took this very personal. Just as I do in other situations like this where I feel threatened. Then it hit me. This is the same feeling I had as a child. Angry about what my father was doing to me. Angry about how my father made me feel about myself. Angry at how even as an adult years later the abuse still haunts me. I hate this feeling! But I was tolerant.
I endured, put up with
His hands on my body
His degrading demeaning comments
His insensitivity to what he was doing to me
I was being tolerant. I held inside every thought, every feeling so as NOT to “rock the boat”. Now as an adult, I hate having to be tolerant of others. Especially when there is something they can do differently so as not to upset ME. For example, the neighbor could have closed her windows. Its what I have done in the past when others are grilling outside or have friends over. I wanted to scream at the neighbor, just like I wanted to with my father. But I didn’t. We all packed up our things and went home. Again, my feelings meant nothing to this person. Again I was silent. Again I tolerated their behavior.
When do I stop screaming “I am” from inside and start screaming “I am” verbally to others?? How can I claim to be a Survivor if I don’t speak up for how I feel and what I will or will not allow? One of the greatest struggles for an Incest Survivor - Tolerating intolerance.
Tolerate means (dictionary.com)
1. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. to endure without repugnance; put up with
We were having a Friday night get-together at a neighbors house (a condo). Just sitting, chatting, laughing, blowing - off - steam after a long week. The upstairs neighbor must have thought it was time for us to “Be Quiet”. 10:00pm should be bed-time, right? But boy, did their “intolerance” get my blood boiling. Why should we be quiet? Close your windows!!!
Later, while in bed, I began thinking. Where is all this anger coming from? It was a Friday night, motorcycles & cars blaring down our busy street. Why is it so important for us to be tolerant of others? I took this very personal. Just as I do in other situations like this where I feel threatened. Then it hit me. This is the same feeling I had as a child. Angry about what my father was doing to me. Angry about how my father made me feel about myself. Angry at how even as an adult years later the abuse still haunts me. I hate this feeling! But I was tolerant.
I endured, put up with
His degrading demeaning comments
His insensitivity to what he was doing to me
I was being tolerant. I held inside every thought, every feeling so as NOT to “rock the boat”. Now as an adult, I hate having to be tolerant of others. Especially when there is something they can do differently so as not to upset ME. For example, the neighbor could have closed her windows. Its what I have done in the past when others are grilling outside or have friends over. I wanted to scream at the neighbor, just like I wanted to with my father. But I didn’t. We all packed up our things and went home. Again, my feelings meant nothing to this person. Again I was silent. Again I tolerated their behavior.
When do I stop screaming “I am” from inside and start screaming “I am” verbally to others?? How can I claim to be a Survivor if I don’t speak up for how I feel and what I will or will not allow? One of the greatest struggles for an Incest Survivor - Tolerating intolerance.
I encourage you to follow me
Open
your eyes, as well as open your mouths. Incest is a silent destroyer
of everything good and beautiful in life. Our children.
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