The Moment My Inner Child & I became One
My father, my molester, died recently on Sept 11, 2014. For years I’ve told people, including family,
that when that day would come I would throw a party instead of attend the
funeral. Now I know that was a dream
based on my emotions and my level of healing from the incest.
I had on-again off-again relationship with members of my
immediate family .. father, mother, and siblings. The last time I had contact with them was 2
years ago. The night the phone rang on
9/11/2014 and the caller ID was my sister, I knew before I answered the call my
father had died. I took the call. I had
no emotion. A sense of calm came over
me. Then the decision of whether I would
attend the funeral in a few days.
It wasn’t until my son made arrangements to fly in from out
of town, that I decided YES I would attend the funeral. With the support of my husband, my son, and
my daughter I was able to say my final good bye to my abuser, my father.
I have cried many times over the years about what he did to
me. But nothing compared to the tears I
wept on the day of his funeral 9/16/2014.
I’ve discovered that it was another piece in my healing that I needed to
go through. Before the visitation &
service began, our family had a quiet private moment alone. My youngest brother & my sister and I sat
in the front pew. One on each side of
me. I reached for their hands, squeezed
their hand, our eyes met. For once there
were no words needed, no words said. The
three of us just knew we were each grieving about a man who was our
father. I was no longer grieving about a
man who molested me.
I can honestly say I am glad I attended his funeral. It was incredibly healing for me. I wasn’t grieving or crying. The little girl inside me from my childhood
was grieving & crying. And we became
one on the day we buried my father.
The storm has passed. See the rainbow?
It’s beautiful. Life is beautiful.
And you are beautiful too.
© IAMicried
Visions of Rainbows
5/31/2013
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