Grandchildren and the Silence of Grandparents
While visiting our daughter-in-law’s family over Christmas,
an incident with my step-grandson (age 4) has me upset. It was the last thing I thought about before
falling asleep last night and the first thing I thought of this morning.
After the lunch-time Christmas meal, after the exchange of
gifts, the adults were sitting and talking. Our grandchildren, 4 yr old and 2
yr old, were playing with their toys NOT so quietly. Then it started. The
climbing onto kitchen table, throwing toys, hitting parents, making phone calls
using parent’s cell phones, jumping on beds, slamming doors .. etc. Jake, our 4
yr old was on “over-load”.
My husband and I watched like “Silent Lambs” as the children
took control of their parents. Daughter-in-law laid on the couch while her son
Jake pulled her hair, jumped and climbed all over her, hitting, punching and
head-butting her. She did nothing. Jake’s
step-dad sighed and groaned a few times waiting for someone to do something.
The whole time, Jake laughed and thought this was fun.
Then it happened. While
I was watching the 2 yr old mesmerized by his new books, quietly trying to read
them, Jake ran over to me and head-butted me in my arm. I screamed in surprise
and pain. Ouch! That will leave a big black & blue mark. His mom & dad told him to apologize to
Grandma over and over. But he never did. Did they pick him up and make him
apologize? Nope. They proceeded to express to him how disappointed they were
with him while he continued to run around laughing like a wild ban chi.
I was speechless. My husband was speechless. I think we were both in shock by what just
happened. If I had acted like this as a
child, I would have been spanked and sent to my room. We did not treat our
parents, grandparents or anyone else like this. However, the parents of today
do not believe in spanking or punishing their kids. The attitude is, “Well,
they are just being kids.” I have spoken
out in the past about how I feel when I think the grandchildren should be
spanked or disciplined. But the mom (who has a degree in Early Childhood
Development) quietly ignores the conversation.
What is it with parents today and not disciplining their
children? When did parents decide it was not important to teach their children
right & wrong and that the kids’ decisions or actions have NO
CONSEQUENCES? Why do minor children
show/give NO RESPECT to their parents, other adults? What is the matter with people
and this country?!
We, as victims of abuse, are told to speak up and tell our
story so others may know they are not alone. So why did I keep silent when I
was head-butted painfully by my grandson? Why did I keep silent while I watched
my grandson abuse his mother? Yes, I
call it abuse. Anyone, young or old, physically hitting, jumping on, punching
or bruising another human being is committing assault and abuse. Period!
I think I was silent for several reasons.
- When I spoke up before about it, parents did nothing.
- I was given dirty looks or over-heard comments about MY actions and responses I made. I have tried to step-in and discipline Jake in the past when he misbehaved. That did not go over well with his parents.
- My childhood sexual assault trained me to be still, keep quiet, don’t rock the boat.
The message I’m trying to convey is this – As survivors of
incest and childhood sexual abuse, we have a responsibility.
- No more silence about our abuse.
- No more silence about the behavior of others
- No more silence about right and wrong
- No more silence about the raising of our grandchildren
By keeping silent about my grandson’s behavior and the
inability of his parents TO BE PARENTS, I was doing the same thing as by
KEEPING SILENT about my abuse. SILENCE
IN EITHER SITUATION WAS WRONG. I may not
be able to change the world. But I can change a small piece of it. It begins
with those closest to me. If each one of
us started by teaching morality and respect of others in our immediate
families, then the world would be changed.
We are still SILENT VICTIMS until we can speak up against all injustice. Not just abuse done to us in the past. Where
are our voices when we see misbehavior happening NOW?
I regret keeping silent about my grandson’s behavior and
disrespect toward me. I should have
taken charge the minute he head-butted me causing pain and a bruise to my
arm. By keeping silent I am still acting like a Victim. We would do our children justice by RAISING RESPONSIBLE RESPECTABLE children. We don't need to abuse them. I do not encourage that. But parents do need to discipline them.
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