The Shocking Revelation of Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse
In 2012,
after losing my job, I was spirally down into the deep, dark abyss of
depression. I was searching for someone
or something to blame for all my misery.
Always a good bet, was my father and my childhood. I was different. My father enjoyed kissing me, feeling me up
& down inside my clothes, and finally taking me to his bed & teaching
me about sex. Yep, that was why my life
sucked! Back to reality. During my search for blame, I discovered
others, like me, who were still struggling as adults with what happened to them
as children. I was no longer alone.
My first
blog post “After The Tears”
was written as an introduction to who I am, what’s my story, and the closing of
a horrible chapter in my life. I’m an
adult. The abuse is no longer going
on. There is nothing more to fear except
the continued fear of what my siblings or mother would say about this blog if
they found out. My husband, my son, my
daughter & a few very close friends know about my blog. Their reaction and support has been very
surprising. Now it is just a matter of
wiping the tears from this Child’s face, picking myself up, brushing off the
mud, dust, filth and GROWING PAST the abuse.
On November 17,
2012, I embarked on a journey of growth and discovery. I went public on social media with MY Story
of sexual abuse & incest. It wasn’t
easy. I was scared as h*e*l*l. (link to original post “After The Tears”). I no longer wanted to keep “The Secret”; yet
I wasn’t willing to write a Blog using my real name. So I had to come up with a name that meant
something to me. What was I trying to
portray & tell other Survivors like me?
I had a VISION, a
desire, to jump out of my skin and say,
“Here I am! I cried!
Don’t you see me?
Can’t you hear me?”
IAMicried was born.
I believe that a
RAINBOW is an example of hope, love, and God’s power here on Earth. Rainbows are so beautiful. So, it was obvious to me, that MY BLOG would
be named “Visions Of Rainbows” (tomorrowsrainbow.blogspot) and it would become not only
My Story, My Journey; but inspiration and encouragement for other Childhood
Sexual Abuse Survivors.
My first
blog post “After The Tears”
was written as an introduction to who I am, what’s my story, and the closing of
a horrible chapter in my life. I’m an
adult. The abuse is no longer going
on. There is nothing more to fear except
the continued fear of what my siblings or mother would say about this blog if
they found out. My husband, my son, my
daughter & a few very close friends know about my blog. Their reaction and support has been very
surprising. Now it is just a matter of
wiping the tears from this Child’s face, picking myself up, brushing off the
mud, dust, filth and GROWING PAST the abuse.
Every day I
think about my father, what happened, and how it has changed me. The child inside still cries now and
then. But not as often. When she cries, I allow her to feel all the
emotion she needs to feel. I no longer
ignore or suppress her. She is a part of
me and I wouldn’t want to lose her. We
help each other put life into perspective.
I’m a horrible pessimist. But now
I’m understanding why. At 55 years old,
I’m still learning about myself & putting the broken pieces back into place
where they belong. I’m further along in
my healing journey today than I was in 2012.
I guess what
I’m trying to say is this ..
There is
life “After The Tears”. There is life after #ChildhoodSexualAbuse. You can and WILL grow past
it. My hope, my vision, is that you will
one day see YOUR RAINBOW and be encouraged to GROW past your abuse so you are
able to tell your story.
Does the
Child inside you hurt and need comfort from childhood sexual abuse? Has this blog helped you in any way? Comment below on this post or send me a
private message via The CONTACT ME Form.
I’d love to
hear from you.
The storm has passed. See the rainbow?
The storm has passed. See the rainbow?
It’s beautiful. Life is beautiful.
And you are beautiful too.
© IAMicried
Visions of Rainbows
5/31/2013
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